Guns and Ships (Tacticus Song Parody)

A parody of Guns and Ships from Hamilton based on characters from the mobile game Warhammer 40,000 Tacticus. For the purposes of this song, Commissar Sebastian Yarrick is present for the Fall of Cadia. I imagine Yarrick's scowl just growing deeper and deeper every time they mention right hand.

[KELL]

How does a ragtag Cadian army in need of a shower

Somehow repel crusading Chaos powers?

How do we emerge victorious from the quagmire?

Leave the battlefield waving our Aquila flag higher?

Yo. Turns out we have a secret weapon!

The Basilisk you know and love, who’s unafraid to shoot in!

He’s constantly confusin’, bombardin’ the Chaos forces

Ev’ryone give it up for Cadia’s favorite Master of Ordnance!

[COMPANY]

Thaddeus!

[THADDEUS]

I’m takin this gun by the reins makin’

Turncoats redder with bloodstains

[COMPANY]

Thaddeus!

[THADDEUS]

And I’m never gonna stop until I make ‘em

Drop and burn ‘em up and scatter their remains, I’m

[COMPANY]

Thaddeus!

[THADDEUS]

Watch me engagin’ em! Erasin’ em!

Enragin’ em! I’m—

[COMPANY]

Thaddeus!

[THADDEUS]

I go to Creed for more funds

[COMPANY]

Thaddeus!

[THADDEUS]

I come back with more

Guns

And ships

And so the balance shifts

[CREED]

We rendezvous with Celestine, consolidate their gifts

[THADDEUS]

We can end this war at the Fields, cut them off you see, but

For this to succeed, there is someone else we need:

[CREED]

I know

[CREED AND COMPANY]

Sebastian!

[THADDEUS]

Sir, he knows what to do in a trench

Ingenuitive and inspiring men, I mean—

[CREED AND COMPANY]

Sebastian!

[THADDEUS]

Sir, you’re gonna have to use him eventually

What’s he gonna do on the bench? I mean—

[CREED AND COMPANY]

Sebastian!

[THADDEUS]

No one has more resilience

Or matches my practical tactical brilliance—

[CREED AND COMPANY]

Sebastian!

[THADDEUS & COMPANY]

You wanna fight for your land back? (Sebastian!)

[CREED]

I need my right-hand man back! (Sebastian!)

[THADDEUS & COMPANY]

Ah! Uh, get ya right-hand man back

You know you gotta get ya right-hand man back

I mean you gotta put some thought into the letter

But the sooner the better to get your right-hand man back!

[CREED]

Commissar Sebastian

Troops are waiting in the field for you

If you join us right now, together we can turn the tide

Oh, Commissar Sebastian

I have soldiers that will yield for you

If we manage to get this right

They’ll surrender by early light

The world will never be the same … What the hell .... is that?!

(Literal world-shattering boom!)